I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
