u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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