Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
