I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
