After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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