I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
