I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
