I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
