All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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