Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
