So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
