Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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