In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
