May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
