Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
