I could have mohawked her pubes.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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