I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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