party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
