just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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