dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
