Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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