yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
