This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
