I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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