girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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