I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
