9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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