I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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