i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize