he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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