i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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