I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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