I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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