I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
