You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
