he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
