I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize