i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
