Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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