She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
