I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
