Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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