Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
