Tell her she can't have a vagina
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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