Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
