What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
