sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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