Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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