we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize