you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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