I hope mine doesn't look like that
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
