she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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