she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
