Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
