And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
