wanna go halves on a baby?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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