when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
