I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
