oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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