The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
