So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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