Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
