i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
