You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
