Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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