i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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