party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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