Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
