i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize