Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
