.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
