My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
