When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize