I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize